apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
