East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
