I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Drunk walkin through police station. America
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
