You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
