tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
