Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
