I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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