so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
