all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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