his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
