i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it glows. i had to have it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
