dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
