I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
