dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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