whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
