Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
