you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
