So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
