I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
