She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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