my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
