Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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