I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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