i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found puke in my bra..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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