life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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