I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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