Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
