I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
