we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i drank out of a bidet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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