There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
