You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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