If i come over, it means nothing
You can't special order awesome
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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