Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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