Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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