I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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