ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize