I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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