I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
