There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
