I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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