whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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