My liver just broke up with me...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize