The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
