Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
