Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
