swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
