Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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