i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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