just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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