my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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