At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish i was in the wii world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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