You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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