dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize