how do flat chested girls get laid?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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