it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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