You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
