Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
