I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
