her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
