She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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