just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
