apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
