god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
