I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize