I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize