you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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