I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He better not be in your backpack
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
