I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
