Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
