The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
