Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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